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23 April, 2009

Self Control.

Anyone who really knows me well is aware that I have little or no self control.  Fortunately my vices are virtually non existant and are not harmful to anyone but myself.  … well, immediately.

My biggest problem is my diet.  No matter what I do I am constantly unsatisfied with the way I eat.  I look fairly normal on the outside – that is, I don’t look especially overweight.  On the inside though, I’m completely destroying myself.  I swear I’m two clicks away from diabetes and heart disease or total failure.  Right now I’m in the upstairs of the library here at school.  When I left home I felt great – sharply dressed, a little pep in my step.  But by the time I walked from my car into the library and up the steps to get to the room I’m in now – I was ready to collapse.  I was breathing very heavily and sweating.  My body was on fire and through the din of my headphones I could hear myself heaving for air.  I felt dislocated and I felt that everyone was looking at me like I was in a Joel Schumacher film.,8599,1892943,00.html – that is an excellent article in RE self control.  The pivotal parts for me being that when we are shown the option for very healthy food, we already feel like we’ve accomplished our goal of eating healthy – just from seeing it!  In turn, when we accomplish some goal towards our health – such as working out, eating well, not smoking – we feel more inclined to completely nullify the accomplished goal because we are in the mindset that “we deserve it”.*  Taking the article just a bit farther with some non-source input; when we have decided that we’re going to “splurge”, we also tend to “splurge” more than a little.  In fact, often the results outweigh the normal results (the results if we were not, per say, dieting).

{ Listening to Morton Feldman – Why Patterns? from Rothko Chapel/Why Patterns? }

*All vices are considered beyond the mentioned health issues.

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